Empress Theresa - Chapter Two: The Phantom Narrative.

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The originator of this post wishes to make it clear that EVERYONE visiting this Blog is hereby dissuaded from contacting the author in any way to bother, criticize, or otherwise harass him. This is my personal opinion and critique of the work.  Although I may at times be very strong worded while doing so, IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS do I hold anything personally against Mr. Boutin and only wish that he learns to edit his work.

With all that said, let us continue with…



Chapter 02



Chapter two begins with her suddenly being in high school, the bygone years of her youth whisked away like chaff in the wind in the blank spaces between the chapters.  It opens thusly...
V------------------------------------------------V

     The high school years go by quickly when you're having a good time, and I did.  the strength and throwing accuracy HAL gave me go me on the boys' baseball team where I was a star pitcher.

^------------------------------------------------^
Sigh... As we can clearly see, the Mary Sue is still dialed up to eleven and it strains to climb further still.  The following collection of syllables describe how she can throw the ball at "eighty-five miles per hour," and that she could have thrown it over a hundred if she wanted to.  I will point out that this seems to actually have some descent punctuation for once.  Interesting...

However, there is a continuity error that follows almost immediately, this tiny tidbit should have opened the chapter, or been omitted completely as it is pointless.
V------------------------------------------------V

     In middle school I'd played unnoficial baseball with a group of boys who recognized my tallents.  When the paying field wasn't being used we went out there and practiced.  I was still twelve when people started hanging around the field watching us. They were amazed at what I could do with the ball.

^------------------------------------------------^

I bet she was... and I bet they were... given Norman's demonstrated tastes so far.  It took great fortitude not to modify that to say something completely different...

Two paragraphs in and I'm groaning like a whore in heat... the bad kind...  I'm pretty sure that Mr. Boutin doesn't know how high school athletics work based on the rest of this paragraph, and the one to follow...

She is such a swell "ball tosser," in fact, that EVERYONE wants her on THEIR team, and wouldn't you know it, she was made the pitcher her freshman year.  But not all is well in whoville as she is on the TV all the time and because of this "People said bad things about me on the Internet."  You and her both Norman, perhaps this was added after you showed the world some of you... work... and you decided to project some of your frustrations?  Lets inspect the following and see what we can deduce.

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     I wouldn't have thought it possible.  Complete strangers on the internet's social media said all kinds of terrible things about me.  Even worse were the websites that a few people started about me.

^-----------------------------------------------^

Speak of the devil, my friend!  But I should point out that this entire venture is of YOUR creation, I wouldn't have given a smelly fart about this book were it not for your behavior.  Funny how that works... isn't it?  The projection laced through the following section is both obvious and quite sad, but still very amusing.

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     They were internet trolls, jealous cowards who attack from the safety of anonymity and distance.

^------------------------------------------------^

Would you like my contact information?  I can even call you if you would like, I bet that Skye would be EPIC.  Or better yet, swing by my Twitch channel anytime you like and we can have a pleasant discussion about your writing style and why it's obvious SHIT.

Again, Norman, I and others are not "attacking" you, well maybe a little bit here on this blog as you have earned it at this point.  We offered you the feedback you requested, which you did not like and so YOU rejected and ATTACKED us with insults and derision.  This is all clearly laid out in the Internet you so vehemently despise, I have even given links to such discussions.

But that is neither here nor there, so lets move on...

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     I was told my only strategy was to ignore them.

^------------------------------------------------^

Maybe you should have taken that advice there Norman...

But that is neither here nor there, so lets move on...

What follows is basically an After School Special about bullying or some shit.  It's as poorly written as you could imagine and I could have sworn some of it was copy-pasted off of a bullying website, but was unable to confirm it.  It ends with the most epic piece of projection I have ever seen, yes some hyperbole on my part.
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     I saw why the trolls were angry.  They knew they couldn't go were I was going.  I'd have a good life.  They wouldn't.  What they said made no sense.  They were mixed up big time!  I blamed the parents for not raising them right.

^------------------------------------------------^
OMG, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT!  The first time I read this in context I almost wet myself laughing, believe me, it makes more sense once you know this mans thoughts process.  I didn't change a word of that either, it was actually hard to type as I kept wanting to fix the errors.

There is also some cringy Mary Sue moments after this containing such gems as, "By the time I was fifteen I was almost grown up."  

Besides looking as though this came directly out a "Chick Track," it is a great example of the levels of self importance and delusions on grandeur that Norman has rolling around inside his head.
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     My mom, who came from another town, went to a Catholic high school.  A teacher told her something the ancient Greeks said: An unexamined life is not worth living.  Know thyself.  Mom said too many people never question who they are and how they're doing.  This is a fast track to disaster. They're not equipped to get through troubles and be successful. The television news showed examples every day.

^------------------------------------------------^
Wow, what an interesting view of the world Mr. Boutin has, although, I do kind of agree with some of this, just not for the reasons he gives.

Aren't teachers supposed to tell their students about things people of the past say?  Trivial I know, but this could have been framed so much better and not look like ass.

Buckle up ladies and gentlemen, Norman is gonna be SUPER preachy for quite some time.  I'm sure sure if this is a book or some strange Manifesto in story form.  The good people of New England should be careful around this fellow.
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He then insults the "Liberal Hollywood Elite Children," who do the things every child does in high school.  Which backs up my suspicion that he isn't not allowed around real children and can only draw on his own childhood, back when trolley rides were a nickle and good children knew their place.  I swear to god, reading this is like a Boomer love letter and I may actually be sick.  

He then talks about how her friends were the cheerleaders and best athletes in school.  I am now convinced this man is delusional and severely out of touch with reality, how is this supposed to speak to young adults?
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     In the beginning of my Senior year, still only sixteen after skipping the sixth grade, I began to think about  college.

^------------------------------------------------^
Norman... look at me for a moment.

WE CAN REMEMBER SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENED LESS THAN 5 PAGES AGO, YOU FUCKING RETARD!  Why did we need to be reminded of this, is it critical to the plot or something?  Not only does it make Theresa look like a preening CUNT, but it  also backs up the increasing Mary Sue that he clearly is.

So, she meets with Jan again, for the first time since she was ten I guess as there is little other information offered to us.  I'm beginning to feel like the Oliver Twist of literature, I keep asking this book, "Please sir, I want some more,"  when it come to the information I need to understand this giant, burning trash-barge of a book.  

They meet in a burger king parking lot because Norman Boutin knows nothing about subterfuge or clandestine operations.  We are then given some pointless information about Comets and how the military apparently waists millions of dollars in military resources over an intercepted text from an AMATEUR ASTRONOMER.  It is FINALLY revealed that HAL came down from the sky as a large fluffy ball of Space Spunk, perhaps God finally got his Internet working.
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We learn that the Great Spooge of the Almighty went into the ground around Framinham and disappeared, for seven long years.  Then POO was created to sit on their ass and wait for it to resurface, what a great use of resources.  And I love how Jan calls it HAL now, as though it's always been its name, you would think after seven years POO would have come up with something.

Alright, so this is the part where we learn what the organization that Jan works for is actually called, yes he waiting until NOW to give us that tiny piece of info.  They are called the: Office of Orbital Phenomena Surveillance... yes, that's right, a government agency is called OOPS... WHAT THE FUCK, NORMAN!

So, it is revealed that... OOPS *snigger* (I'm just going to keep calling them POO, because this book is shit.) was aware that Theresa knew about HAL because she rented 2001.  This still makes no sense and of course is blasted past at the speed of light, so there is no information given.  

Then this disturbing sentence follows...
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     It was a safe bet he didn't travel a million light years just to watch me take showers and neither could he be interested only in me.

^------------------------------------------------^
OK... deep breaths.... stay calm... no need to call anyone just yet...

WHAT THE CREEPY, UNHOLY, ACTUAL, FUCKING, FUCK IS THAT!  You are a strange old man, Norman Boutin, and I am deeply concerned for any juvenile who might live near you.  Maybe I'm simply over-thinking this, perhaps I may be projecting my own distaste for the book onto the passages in it.   Either way, I'm not going to say much about this as I don't want to have certain images in my brain, so I will just leave this here for you all to postulate about...
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We're then treated to a diatribe where God Child Perfect waxes about HAL's intentions.  It is still somewhat weird that HAL is referred to as a 'HE' for some reason, especially considering Norman's personality.

Then, of course, Norman shows us his gross lack of technical knowledge by not understanding how Doppler Radar works...
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     “Years ago we noticed a column of disturbed air above you that goes right up to space. We see it with Doppler radar. It’s too faint to be seen by those weather station Doppler radars because they scan horizontally, but we can see it with a radar beam aimed down. We sent up a spy satellite looking for these columns and yours was the only one we found.”

^------------------------------------------------^

Dammit, Norman, you ignorant fucking hillbilly!  How faint are these magical air currents?  Are they present when she is in a building, or on an airplane?  I bet that's a bucket of fun for everyone else.

Lets assume for one moment that it's only the outside air no matter how large a room she is in and that is no more than five miles per hour.  Lets go even further and assume that the column is five to ten feet wide, any tighters and we begin to break some very strict physical laws...  That all given, HOW THE FUCK IS IT NOT DETECTABLE BY DOPPLER WEATHER RADAR, YOU FUCKING RUBE!  Plus, how would a fancy space satellite make it easier to spot?  I can accept making in easier to search the entire planet for another space spooge monster, but how can you be this fucking stupid?

Whether you look down into or across a moving air mass, the Doppler effect is the same... why are you doing this to me.

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The talk moved on.

^------------------------------------------------^

Yes, that's how this dingus moved us forward... I wish the conversation would have ended.
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The talk moved on.  What HAL was made of and how he worked was still a mystery.  More important was his purpose.  What could that be?

^------------------------------------------------^
Sweet Jesus, merciful God in heaven, why have you cursed us with this man?  What have we done to deserve such things?  Send us a plague, a rain of rabid dogs, or a cloud of lawyers... ANYTHING other than this....
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We are treated to yet another pointless movie reference, this time to Contact, I thought this girl only read books and was a good girl.

Jan then tells Totally-Not-A-Sue that she should "Get as broad an education as possible" with the ambiguous reason of being ready for "Any unimaginable challenge."  OK, I feel that I must interject something here, WHY has she not been taken for an examination by a medical professional?  Or ANYONE for that matter?  Confirmation of actual factual ALIEN LIFE and the government is basically sitting back and saying "Well, we don't want to bother her..."

Seriously, Norman, how can you be this thick and obtuse about the way the wold works.  You slacking, lazy-ass, fucking HACK.
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     It was possible I would have to be the ambassador between the world and the aliens.  The odds were they’d be benevolent, but if not, I had to be prepared to deal with great difficulties.  What these might be was completely unpredictable.  I had to be ready for anything.  Other people thought about their home, their neighborhood, their town.  I had to think globally.  This was a new concept for me.  In every book, movie and TV show I’d ever seen, the issue was about something local.  Never did the whole world become part of the story.   It was nearly overwhelming.

^------------------------------------------------^
It is clear that Norman knows very little on the study of Xenology, which is an actual thing.  Essentially, any alien being or force that happened to show up here would be universally malevolent.  True, we base this on our own past treatment of primitive societies, but why else would an alien race come millions of light years is not to colonies our small back-water planet.

We also see that Theresa is, yet again, an uneducated idiot.  I thought she read books and thought big, expansive thinky thoughts.  Nope, she is just as small minded and retarded as the author of this assemblage of turds.  There are so many Book, T.V. Shows, and Movies about global issues that i could fill the rest of this page listing them.  Norman Boutin is a small minded, sheltered moron, with little to no experience of the wider world.

Lets leave that there and move on...

We are then immediately blasted with the following cringe-fest without time to recover from the last... 
v------------------------------------------------v

“How much do you expect from me?”  I asked.

“Don’t lose sleep over it. You have the United States government ready to help you.  But if HAL starts talking and asking questions, he may demand instant answers. You may have to act quickly.  You might need the knowledge of Thomas Jefferson, and the wisdom of Abraham Lincoln.

^------------------------------------------------^
Not only is the spacing fucked up in the book... 





...way to go, Norman, but how would ANYTHING that Jefferson pr Lincoln knew help her?  I know that it's allegory and all, but there are SO many better examples of smart or wise people to choose from.  I get the idea that this is just more Right-Wing Fap material shoehorned in for some reason.

I will also say that odd indentation is everywhere throughout the book.  THIS IS WHY YOU EDIT AND REVISE YOU FUCKING DINGUS!!
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She then makes what I hope is a joke about majoring in 'Alien Relations,' which sounds a bit sexual considering Norman's frame of mind when it comes to Theressa.

Then we get this disjointed mess...
v------------------------------------------------v

     I got home from school before my parents got back from work and brought in the mail.  In late March of my Senior year I got a letter with no postage stamp and no address except my name, Theresa Sullivan.  

     It read like this: 

     Where is Jan Struthers?

     Meet me in the Framingham Library 

     Saturday 1:00 p.m.

     Jeremy Benton Who the heck was Jeremy Benton?  And what was he saying about Jan?

^------------------------------------------------^

Which is, OF COURSE, spaced absolutely horrendously in the book...

...seriously, how hard is it to properly format a fucking E-Book?

Then we have the poor wording and pacing in the beginning, this should have said something along the lines of: "I always got home from school before my parents so I would grab the mail and bring it inside."  Look at that, it almost makes actual sense and then flows into the next sentence with a little more ease.

The "letter" is also a laughable mess as well.

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She then lets us all know that Jan gave her an Email address with which she could contact her for anything, again this is something that could have been included earlier.  We are then TOLD that Theresa could not locate the website attached to the Email address, "Snoop.gov," yes you read that correctly.  Norman also seems to not know how email addresses work as he writes out Jan's email address as "janswatchers at snoop.gov," which is laughably retarded.

Then there is this exchange of stupidity...
v------------------------------------------------v

I sent an email.  A few minutes later I got a response:

Failure Notice No MX or A records for snoop.gov

For the first time since HAL merged with me I was afraid.

^------------------------------------------------^
So... I did some digging and found that this is an actual error, look at me learning news things over here. :) Which is mildly disheartening as I had a fantastic rant ready for this... Nevertheless, I feel that this could have been better executed.  And took me reading it several times due to pacing issues to tell that this was not the FIRST time she used it.
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She then tells us, AGAIN, that she cannot talk to her parents about something that is bothering her.  This is a MAJOR issue for the MC of a YA novel to have, especially when it is NEVER fully explained why her parents cannot be trusted with such an important secret.  Why do I get the feeling that they have done something gravely wrong to not have her trust in any capacity.

She then decides to bring Father Touchy-Feely along to the meeting with this Jeremy fellow.  We are then treated to a jarring scene transition with almost ZERO world building and proceed to run full bore into a long and meaningless conversation.

See the travesty in it's full glory below...
v------------------------------------------------v

Father Donoughty knew everything. If I brought him along what could happen at a public library? 

     Father Donoughty and I entered the library and looked around. A neatly dressed man in his forties waved to us from a corner table.

^------------------------------------------------^

Then their "conversation" continues below, I may have to just start clips of the book as Typing this all out is both painful and tedious.  Not to mention I keep CORRECTING the copious amounts of errors I run into, plus it's hard to show the terrible formatting seen throughout.

It should also be said that there is no linguistic inflection to differentiate who is talking below.  Jeremy, a Canadian I would assume, sounds just like everyone else.  LAZY LAZY LAZY.
v------------------------------------------------v

     “Hello.  I’m Jeremy Benton, personal aide to Prime Minister of England Peter Blair.  Please sit down.” 

     We sat.  But instead of talking Jeremy stared at me. 

     “What’s the matter?”  I asked. 

     “Seeing you close like this took my breath away.  Do you realize the effect you have on people?” <---  What the Fuck is this creepy shit?

     He meant the effect I had on people who were aware that I was the world’s telephone connection to the aliens. 

     “I’m beginning to.” 

     “Can we talk about HAL?” 

     “Sure” I said.  

     “Father Donoughty knows about him.” <--- Seriously, why is HAL a "him?"

     “Your friend Jan Struthers mailed a package of four volumes to Canadian Prime Minister Jean Turgeon.  He sent it to Prime Minister Blair.  It’s clearly a call for help.” <--- Why not Email?

     “What happened to Jan?” 

     “We don’t know.  All traces of her end when President Martin was sworn in.” 

     “How do you know that?”

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Pardon for the interruption...  But the following WALL OF TEXT does not answer this SIMPLE QUESTION!  How does Jeremy, or anyone, KNOW that she disappeared when President Martini was sworn in?
v------------------------------------------------v

     “We have people looking for her.  She had credit cards and bank accounts.  They were closed.  She seems to have disappeared from the Earth.  Somebody thought she knew too much. Jan Struthers documented everything.  The volumes contain thousands of pictures of you from age ten, your activities day by day, your school records and papers, information about your parents and the people who live on your street.  I assure you no biography I’ve read has so much information about a human being.  Jan Struthers asked that if anything happened to you the Canadian Prime Minister make a big fuss about it to the press.  Apparently something happened to Jan Struthers herself, but the package she sent was actually mailed by her father, Charles Struthers.  We think they had some kind of pre-arrangement. We have spied on her father.  He appears happy enough.  His daughter must be safe somewhere.”

^------------------------------------------------^

Thankfully, there is only one more page of this creepy shit to torment me with.  That last jilted, robot text bubble is almost too much.

Thousands of pictures of Theresa from age ten?  This package must have weighed hundreds of pounds, why could it not be Emailed, or perhaps placed on a number of virtual-drive sites?  I gather this does not take place in 1995 or earlier, so, WHAT THE FUCK, NORMAN!!!

How did they obtain copies, I would assume they were copies, of her school records and papers?  My guess is that they had someone planted in the school to do this, but that might seem awkward as whoever that was would need to seamlessly blend in with teachers and other staff.  I am no doubt over thinking this, but his normal lack of details makes it far too easy at times...

Why so much about her neighbors, why is this important to the CANADIANS, why is any of this relevant AT ALL?

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She thinks for a moment as the supporting characters worship her beauty, and after some poorly spaced dialog we get this...
v------------------------------------------------v

     ...Jan said somebody elected President is briefed on all burning issues before taking office so he could take off running.

^------------------------------------------------^

Oh... so then this is a "Burning Issue" then, is it?  If that is the case then, WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO WANDER ABOUT?  Why is she not being kept in a facility where she can be researched and studied, you know, like the Government would ACTUALLY DO, you fucking retard!

Honestly, in what magical not Norman Boutin fantasy land would a random girl possessed by an unknown alien entity be allowed to roam free.  Why is she not at least seeing a physician or similar on a regular basis?  Norman makes the Government look like a bunch of amateur hacks who couldn't handle a bake sale!

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This is followed by some more meaningless words where it's alluded that Meanie Martini is somehow displeased by Theresa's existence and had Jan... killed... or something.  Either way she isn't around anymore, perhaps Martin wants to actually DO SOMETHING about the mystery wonder girl that has been allowed to wander free for YEARS.

This is followed by some exposition where Tony Blair... I mean 'Peter' Blair... is shown to not be able to do anything.  Then this... 
v------------------------------------------------v

     Great!  We had a perfectly harmless thing going on and President Martin didn’t like it.  What was he thinking? 

^------------------------------------------------^

What a fantastic question, why do you think an incoming president would want to fix the shortcomings of his predecessor?  Perhaps he see's some kind of danger in having a child with an unknown alien being living in her body.  maybe he would like to asses as to WHY THIS HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO HAPPEN and that ZERO actual study of it has occurred.

Nope, Martin is just "Evil" because he has to be, not because his actions might be justified in any way.  The plots demands and evil mustache twirling villain and President One -Dimension is the man for the job.

I again say that this is HACK WRITING and deserves nothing but scorn and ridicule.  How hard would it have been to make President Villain's actions somewhat justified or make it seem as though he was thinking about the big picture?  Too much work for Mr. Can't-Be-Bothered Boutin I guess.

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This bulshit conversation continues and we are further TOLD that we "Know what kind of guy the President is," although this is never actually expressed as to why they know.  It is simple stated that Jan thought Martin was going to cause trouble.  This is an IMPORTANT point, WHY is he going to cause trouble?  This doesn't have to be fully explained right now but it should be alluded to as it will the readers a frame of mind moving forward.

Jeremy and Father Doughnut express that she could leave the country, which makes it seem as though her life is somehow in danger.  A good bit of tension building, if the framework for it had been put in place beforehand... which it hasn't in anyway.  We are just supposed to feel distress for Theresa because the narrative tells us to, Sloppy Writing.

Which begs the question as to WHY the Pope gives a fuck about Theresa?  And also WHY he even knows about it in the first place?  Remember how NOBODY was supposed to know about her, Jan made a BIG POINT about blathering on about it.  And Father Blabber-Mouth seems to have failed in keeping the big secret...

Theresa declines and suggests they bring the matter to the public and ask for their support.  You know, the ONE THING she was told not to do... what a smart girl Theresa is.  Father Creepy-Fingers then wraps a leg around Theresa's.. for reasons... one of which is to warn her, not sure how that's a warning.  Theresa then TELLS us that his warning is about Jeremy possibly being a spy from Martin in search of new information.  It would seem that she has psychic powers and can selectively read the minds of those nearby.  This part is both creepy and poorly rushed.
v------------------------------------------------v

     “I give off heat.  That’s how the government found me.  If you have the right equipment you can see the heat around me.” 

     “Ah!  We can do that and show the press.” 

     “Then what kind of life do I have?  They‘ll never leave me alone.” 

^------------------------------------------------^

Again with this bullshit... she my dismissal of this ignorance in the last chapter.

However, let's address the claim that her life would be all crazy wacky if the general public learned about her "condition."  I admit that her life wouldn't be all that much fun or private after everyone knew, but look at what she is being faced with now.  The actions of a possible Bond Villain against her life or some other deviously dangerous shit.  Were teh public to know then you could use that fame and recognition to garantee a bit of safety, as well as get help from the worlds leading researchers on help with HAL.

While her fear may be justified, her actions are not and don't even make a lot of sense given the subtle threat just placed against her.  She should at the VERY LEAST leave the country for a bit and evaluate the situation before continuing.  But that doesn't happen, because PLOT!!

The conversation ends abruptly and EMO Girl has a nice quip: "Who said youth is the happiest time?  That’s when we’re most vulnerable!" Que more Linkin park...

Norman then decides to take a jab at education...

I think...
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     And as for President Martin!  

^------------------------------------------------^
Why the fuck does he have to put an exclamation point there?  Is she yelling that at us for some reason?  He does this shit all the time, incorrect punctuation that makes the sentence look and read wrong.

WTF NORMAN!!! 
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I’d learned that somebody with eloquence may not have seen his powers of understanding receive any aid from education.  Ignorance and deficiency of mental improvement could still remain.  There’s some quirk in their personality that keeps them from becoming wise.

^------------------------------------------------^

I'm not sure if this his attempt at making some kind of point that includes a deep wisdom, or if he is attacking higher education; as he has in the past on several occasions.
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     The President gave great orations, but he was a babe in the woods when it came to dealing with me.

^------------------------------------------------^
Project much there, Norman?  Not only is this a laughably stupid statement as I have demonstrated Theresa to be a fucking moron, but it is meaningless as well at this point and in this context.

Are you just grumpy that your being laughed at and out maneuvered by literally EVERYONE on the interwebs?  This screams of later edit, just like the anti-bullying one, and seems like nothing more that venting at your betters.
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It was like some of my fellow Seniors.  Twelve years of education hadn’t taught them a thing about human nature.  They labeled people.  They were suspicious.  They bullied or were obnoxious in some way.  They were not worth much to themselves or anybody else.

^------------------------------------------------^
Because after all, a sixteen-year-old girl is always a fountain of wisdom and never falls into the traps of highschool politics or social groups.  Jesus, Norman, is this Emo Gothfest sixteen or forty?  I really don't know what else I can add about it at this point, other than he is clearly trying to preach and complain about how mean everyone is to him online. So Sad...

And we FINALLY get to the end of this cringy suicide inducing monstrosity.
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     From age ten when HAL merged with me, I had tried to make myself the best person I could.  If HAL wanted me to do something good I was ready, if something bad, I wouldn’t do it.  President Martin should have left things alone.

^------------------------------------------------^
Perhaps you should have as well, Mr. Boutin, as we are only finishing Chapter Two and it is clear that this is going to be a very... VERY painful exercise.

How does she know that she could stop HAL from doing anything?  It clearly made a Fox walk up to her, something that's against it's nature.  So, how hard would it be for it to make you think things that weren't real, which made you do things you wouldn't otherwise do?  Or perhaps even force your body to perform acts you didn't want it to, like when you were sleeping?

See how easy it is to poke holes in this?  REVISION AND EDITING, do I have to keep repeating that?
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Stay tuned for Chapter Three, should be started on that as soon as I cleanse the pallet of all this shit...