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The originator of this post wishes to make it clear that EVERYONE visiting this Blog is hereby dissuaded from contacting the author in any way to bother, criticize, or otherwise harass him. This is my personal opinion and critique of the work. Although I may at times be very strong worded while doing so, IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS do I hold anything personally against Mr. Boutin and only wish that he learns to edit his work.
With all that said, let us continue with…
Chapter 05
Note: I'm starting a drinking game, for every simple error such as formatting we're all going to take a shot! Be sure to have plenty of spirits handy as this is a long chapter and it gets fucking insane rather quickly. I honestly don't remember doing half of this...
Also, I used a lot more obscenities here than usual, and you'll see why very soon.
Please drink responsibly!
--------------------------------------------------
The chapter starts with a glaring formatting error, take a shot everyone!
Mrs. Miracle has woken up and starts to thrash about, thinking she was still in the water. But not all is as it seems...
--------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------
What follows is a conversation between her and... someone... I assume it's the PM, but as there is ZERO dialog tags it's anyone's guess. Here, check it out...
Can you tell what the fuckety fuck is going on here? Sure looks like a giant bucket of amateurish, hack writing if I'm any judge. Not ONE single tag in that entire mess of Donkey shit, NOT... FUCKING... ONE! Can there be any doubt as to why this was rejected by ever agent and editor that saw it.
Norman is such a fucking hack it hurts.
So, who keeps a dead body around for two weeks? I would love to have the logic behind this explained to me. It's not as though she would be kept in a hospital bed the entire time. They dump you in the morgue rather quick, it's surprising how funky a corpse gets in a hurry.
Perhaps the author should have elaborated on that "remarkable story" for a bit. It might have helped any of this make sense.
Also, Formatting error, take a shot everyone!
Finally, what's with the statement that 'people with problems don't change the world,' is Norman this ignorant of history? What message is this meant to send to the readers, who are young adults by the way. I get the impression that he thinks only good, pure people are capable of changing the world. Which is a crock of shit!
Look back at every major figure in world history, they has problems of one kind or another. It's what makes them interesting and inspiring. The opposite is what makes Theresa here boring and forgetful. Yet another thing the author knows nothing about, complex characters make for a better story.
--------------------------------------------------
Anyway... The conversation drones on for a while, complete with two more formatting errors. Where nothing is really said and some very poor pseudo-foreshadowing is attempted.
The PM leaves so that the nurses can finish doing whatever on Theresa, spoiler alert: it gets creepy...
After this what the fuck moment, we find that she is still in the clothes she had on when she plunged into the ocean. Which tells us that Norman has NEVER been to a fucking hospital. Clothing is the first thing to go as it's in the way.
--------------------------------------------------
Great, now I have the image of a "fucking hospital" in my mind. Both a building humping another and a place where people with sex related injuries go.
--------------------------------------------------
Look, another formatting error! You're all going to be dead by the end of this, now drink up!
I get the impression that Norman learned another new word here and just wanted to show his smartness by including "periphery." So, where does she get the idea that she's important, from an off handed comment about traffic? If the PM was with her then it would be for him, and if she is just in a nondescript ambulance then it's not an issue anyway.
This hooker is so fucking egotistic it clenches my fists with face-punching rage.
--------------------------------------------------
Two more formatting errors, if you still possesses motor-skills, drink up!
Wait, didn't he just say she was DEAD for two weeks? So, why then would the doctors be concerned about her dying from radiation sickness? This is a blatant, and confusing, contradiction to something that was said just ONE PAGE AGO... FUCK!
Would it really hurt to read the previous text to make sure that such things don't happen? This is one of the problems that occur when you take twenty years to write a book. Which is why you take some time to EDIT and REVISE.
*pounds head on table*
This is immediately followed by yet more evidence that Theresa is a fucking moron. She was, as demonstrated by the math I did in the last chapter, around a mile from a detonating nuclear bomb. The gamma radiation would have killed her before hitting the fucking ground.
Also, it has already been demonstrated that the space ghost inside her...
...has the power to heal and changer her physiology. Is she really that dense at this point to not understand that?
Hold on, hasn't it already been demonstrated that HAL leaves it's host when they die or it detects their imminent death. Such as with the fox. If she was "dead" then why didn't HAL leave her? did the space spooge get a case of Stockholm syndrome and not want to leave her frigid corpse?
This is a violation of the very loosely established cannon. Norman can't even keep things strait in his own fucked up fantasy land.
--------------------------------------------------
After this, she is asked to go upstairs to speak with the PM on a public broadcast. She accepts because having her parents and Steve see her alive is 'too good to resist.' I guess a quick, private phone call is too much trouble.
As they make their way there, the ENTIRE hospital staff and visitors start cheering. Again, there is no reason why they should be doing this, even giving what she can do. The go up the stairs and enter a large room, where she is sat in front of a large window.
Outside which is a massive fucking crowd that is 'large enough to fill a dozen NFL stadiums.' Their NFL stadiums because all other are small and wimpy I guess. Not sure why he had to specify, just one more example of his ignorance.
--------------------------------------------------
And I bet this egotistical twat-waffle LOVED every second of it. Her dumb-dumb creator should would, and she's demonstrated already that she likes praise.
She then expresses how she's not used to that kind of attention and didn't have a response like a 'seasoned celebrity' would. Seriously, I understand her being embarrassed and unsure what to do, but there are better ways of showing us this.
--------------------------------------------------
First off, formatting error, take another shot!
Secondly, the PM's dialog should be one sentence, not three short ones. Seriously Norman, you make him sound like a robot making conversation out of stored sound-bites.
Finally, let me get this strait... They found her in the ocean, I assume as it has yet to be explained in any way, then kept her corpse around for two weeks. At which point, they performed fucking necromancy and revived her from the dead? For what purpose?
I know that it's about to be revealed that something is going on, but this isn't at all suspenseful. Nothing has been explained as to why or how any of this is going on, something that should be at least attempted to lead the reader on and build suspense for the big reveal.
None of that has happened,Tony Peter Blair has done nothing to explain the hows or whys yet to a person that has just arisen from the dead. A person who herself should have at least one good question about WHY she is in London and WHY the PM did so much to find and then perform a medical miracle on her. Her blank passivity on the matter is aggravating, makes me think of Bella Swan from those book we don't talk about.
Magical Mary Sue here has been awake for an hour as has demonstrated ZERO FUCKS about anything. She is so hardcore...
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She stands by the window for all the world to see, all while STILL in her blood soaked clothing. Which HAVE to stink of corpse and brine by this point, honestly, WHY is she still in them? The crowds waved signs of all kinds, many include the words 'save us' because people are really that stupid.
It turns out that, for no reason at all, the wind has begun to STOP all across the globe. Which means, of course, that Mary Sue is the only one that can save them. Spoiler: It was HER that caused it.
Quick science rant here...
How the fucking fuck is this even possible? The wind is caused by the Sun's heat and the earth's rotation. These generate atmospheric pressure differences and the Coriolis Effect, respectively. To 'stop the wind' you would have to inhibit the complete movement of air mass over the surface of the globe. Which would also cause overheating, plunging temperatures, and several other pressing problems what would make one need to evacuate the planet.
I have already engaged in severalconversations arguments with the author on certain scientific and engineering-related issues. Such as how IR radiation works, in which, he demonstrated his complete lack of its basic understanding. Where in he seems to think you can view the actual air with it, something only capable when it is super-heated or super-cooled.
The man is an uncorrectable boob.
--------------------------------------------------
It's hard to see on that clip but one more formatting error! Down-in-one, down-in-one, down-in-one!
Um... when is there ever 'no wind?' There is always some movement withing the earths covering air mass, even when very calm on the surface. I'm not too sure if clouds could even form without wind. At least under whatever bizzarro conditions are the cause in this dumpster fire. So, her observation of one seems suspect.
Now, unless evaporation has ceased as well, then clouds, and eventual rain, would still form in moisture rich areas. So just grow food there, is EVERYONE on this broken mirror-earth a fucking idiot. Hydroponics still exist and water can be pumped from distant sources. Las Vegas anyone...
In fact, the Great Plains of the United States, where most crops are grown, rely little on actual rain. They water their crops from the Ogallala Aquifer, which is currently being pumped dry... perhaps we should look into that. So, yes, without rain then the crops would EVENTUALLY die, but steps can be taken before hand.
I suppose I could give this to him, it is a magical space ghost after all...
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Chapter 05
Note: I'm starting a drinking game, for every simple error such as formatting we're all going to take a shot! Be sure to have plenty of spirits handy as this is a long chapter and it gets fucking insane rather quickly. I honestly don't remember doing half of this...
Also, I used a lot more obscenities here than usual, and you'll see why very soon.
Please drink responsibly!
--------------------------------------------------
The chapter starts with a glaring formatting error, take a shot everyone!
Mrs. Miracle has woken up and starts to thrash about, thinking she was still in the water. But not all is as it seems...
--------------------------------------------------
A hospital room, of course!
But why is the PM there? No, seriously WHY THE FUCK is the leader of Great Britain there? I know he thinks her to be all super duper special and such, but why is he there just as she wakes up?
Yes, her life is ruined, and it was TOTALLY HER FAULT. She had several opportunities to leave the country and get shelter from friendly nations. She had MANY opportunities to escape during the last chapter. She is a moron....
Nor could she expect a quiet life while possessed by a Space Ghost...
...So, why is she so stupid as to think she could have?
--------------------------------------------------
What follows is a conversation between her and... someone... I assume it's the PM, but as there is ZERO dialog tags it's anyone's guess. Here, check it out...
Can you tell what the fuckety fuck is going on here? Sure looks like a giant bucket of amateurish, hack writing if I'm any judge. Not ONE single tag in that entire mess of Donkey shit, NOT... FUCKING... ONE! Can there be any doubt as to why this was rejected by ever agent and editor that saw it.
Norman is such a fucking hack it hurts.
So, who keeps a dead body around for two weeks? I would love to have the logic behind this explained to me. It's not as though she would be kept in a hospital bed the entire time. They dump you in the morgue rather quick, it's surprising how funky a corpse gets in a hurry.
Perhaps the author should have elaborated on that "remarkable story" for a bit. It might have helped any of this make sense.
Also, Formatting error, take a shot everyone!
Finally, what's with the statement that 'people with problems don't change the world,' is Norman this ignorant of history? What message is this meant to send to the readers, who are young adults by the way. I get the impression that he thinks only good, pure people are capable of changing the world. Which is a crock of shit!
Look back at every major figure in world history, they has problems of one kind or another. It's what makes them interesting and inspiring. The opposite is what makes Theresa here boring and forgetful. Yet another thing the author knows nothing about, complex characters make for a better story.
--------------------------------------------------
Anyway... The conversation drones on for a while, complete with two more formatting errors. Where nothing is really said and some very poor pseudo-foreshadowing is attempted.
The PM leaves so that the nurses can finish doing whatever on Theresa, spoiler alert: it gets creepy...
After this what the fuck moment, we find that she is still in the clothes she had on when she plunged into the ocean. Which tells us that Norman has NEVER been to a fucking hospital. Clothing is the first thing to go as it's in the way.
--------------------------------------------------
Great, now I have the image of a "fucking hospital" in my mind. Both a building humping another and a place where people with sex related injuries go.
--------------------------------------------------
Look, another formatting error! You're all going to be dead by the end of this, now drink up!
I get the impression that Norman learned another new word here and just wanted to show his smartness by including "periphery." So, where does she get the idea that she's important, from an off handed comment about traffic? If the PM was with her then it would be for him, and if she is just in a nondescript ambulance then it's not an issue anyway.
This hooker is so fucking egotistic it clenches my fists with face-punching rage.
--------------------------------------------------
Woo, two formatting errors this time, double drinks for everyone!! I myself am already starting to feel it...
Again, why is she so important, other than Blair having shown a bit of interest in here years ago, why does he care. She gets an ENTIRE hotel floor to herself? She gets a blank check of PUBLIC funds to spend of clothing and so on? It's cut off, but he says they've already "spent millions on her," really, why?
They all laugh at this comment as well, and for no reason.
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Formatting error number... whatever... I've seriously lost count at this point. DRINK UP!!
So, she said that she was hungry and that's what they brought her. Besides being the worst attempt I've ever seen to pander to British readers, it also makes NO SENSE. Where is the nearest chip shop, the food court? This is another reason to think that Norman has no idea how anything works, Hospitals usually don't serve fired food.
Why the fuck would they send someone out for this? If I have a British reader, please enlighten me on the subject.
--------------------------------------------------
Two more formatting errors, if you still possesses motor-skills, drink up!
Wait, didn't he just say she was DEAD for two weeks? So, why then would the doctors be concerned about her dying from radiation sickness? This is a blatant, and confusing, contradiction to something that was said just ONE PAGE AGO... FUCK!
Would it really hurt to read the previous text to make sure that such things don't happen? This is one of the problems that occur when you take twenty years to write a book. Which is why you take some time to EDIT and REVISE.
*pounds head on table*
--------------------------------------------------
This is immediately followed by yet more evidence that Theresa is a fucking moron. She was, as demonstrated by the math I did in the last chapter, around a mile from a detonating nuclear bomb. The gamma radiation would have killed her before hitting the fucking ground.
Also, it has already been demonstrated that the space ghost inside her...
Hold on, hasn't it already been demonstrated that HAL leaves it's host when they die or it detects their imminent death. Such as with the fox. If she was "dead" then why didn't HAL leave her? did the space spooge get a case of Stockholm syndrome and not want to leave her frigid corpse?
This is a violation of the very loosely established cannon. Norman can't even keep things strait in his own fucked up fantasy land.
--------------------------------------------------
After this, she is asked to go upstairs to speak with the PM on a public broadcast. She accepts because having her parents and Steve see her alive is 'too good to resist.' I guess a quick, private phone call is too much trouble.
As they make their way there, the ENTIRE hospital staff and visitors start cheering. Again, there is no reason why they should be doing this, even giving what she can do. The go up the stairs and enter a large room, where she is sat in front of a large window.
Outside which is a massive fucking crowd that is 'large enough to fill a dozen NFL stadiums.' Their NFL stadiums because all other are small and wimpy I guess. Not sure why he had to specify, just one more example of his ignorance.
--------------------------------------------------
And I bet this egotistical twat-waffle LOVED every second of it. Her dumb-dumb creator should would, and she's demonstrated already that she likes praise.
She then expresses how she's not used to that kind of attention and didn't have a response like a 'seasoned celebrity' would. Seriously, I understand her being embarrassed and unsure what to do, but there are better ways of showing us this.
--------------------------------------------------
First off, formatting error, take another shot!
Secondly, the PM's dialog should be one sentence, not three short ones. Seriously Norman, you make him sound like a robot making conversation out of stored sound-bites.
Finally, let me get this strait... They found her in the ocean, I assume as it has yet to be explained in any way, then kept her corpse around for two weeks. At which point, they performed fucking necromancy and revived her from the dead? For what purpose?
I know that it's about to be revealed that something is going on, but this isn't at all suspenseful. Nothing has been explained as to why or how any of this is going on, something that should be at least attempted to lead the reader on and build suspense for the big reveal.
None of that has happened,
Magical Mary Sue here has been awake for an hour as has demonstrated ZERO FUCKS about anything. She is so hardcore...
--------------------------------------------------
It turns out that, for no reason at all, the wind has begun to STOP all across the globe. Which means, of course, that Mary Sue is the only one that can save them. Spoiler: It was HER that caused it.
Quick science rant here...
How the fucking fuck is this even possible? The wind is caused by the Sun's heat and the earth's rotation. These generate atmospheric pressure differences and the Coriolis Effect, respectively. To 'stop the wind' you would have to inhibit the complete movement of air mass over the surface of the globe. Which would also cause overheating, plunging temperatures, and several other pressing problems what would make one need to evacuate the planet.
I have already engaged in several
The man is an uncorrectable boob.
--------------------------------------------------
It's hard to see on that clip but one more formatting error! Down-in-one, down-in-one, down-in-one!
Um... when is there ever 'no wind?' There is always some movement withing the earths covering air mass, even when very calm on the surface. I'm not too sure if clouds could even form without wind. At least under whatever bizzarro conditions are the cause in this dumpster fire. So, her observation of one seems suspect.
Now, unless evaporation has ceased as well, then clouds, and eventual rain, would still form in moisture rich areas. So just grow food there, is EVERYONE on this broken mirror-earth a fucking idiot. Hydroponics still exist and water can be pumped from distant sources. Las Vegas anyone...
In fact, the Great Plains of the United States, where most crops are grown, rely little on actual rain. They water their crops from the Ogallala Aquifer, which is currently being pumped dry... perhaps we should look into that. So, yes, without rain then the crops would EVENTUALLY die, but steps can be taken before hand.
I suppose I could give this to him, it is a magical space ghost after all...
...So I guess it can bend the laws of physics a bit.
The PM then espouses that the ENTIRE WORLD could very well starve to death. At which point, of course, we get to see how cool Patricia Perfect is as the crowd goes silent to see if she 'loses it.' But she's too much of a smooth operator for that shit.
This interesting prediction is both dire, hilariously stupid, and sad look into how the author thinks the world works. Not sure why having just the birds gone would make insects suddenly multiply in massive numbers. Especially considering they would be suffering from the lack of moisture just as much as everything else. Does Norman really not know how the food chain works? I wonder if he imagines that birds are the only thing keeping us from being swarmed by millions of insects. What a Rube.
Actually, this could be a great boon for the economy, if you think about it. There are about to be a lot of massive construction projects along the coast of every country and along the shore of every lake. If managed right, it would work out. But not in Magical Norman Land.
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She doesn't know how it happened, fair point. But it should also be stated that there is NO REASON that ANYONE should think she can do ANYTHING about it. Honestly, why does the population of an entire country automatically look to her? What evidence has she offered to indicate she can do anything?
Other than being strong and never missing anything, what powers has she demonstrated? WHY, WHY, WHY, is any of this happening?
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Again with this 'facts of life' bullshit, what the fuck does that mean. I understand what it implies, but its not a common saying that the average reader would understand.
OK, I had to slip in just one more reference there, it was too easy.
--------------------------------------------------
Good fucking God...
One formatting and two spacing errors, drink up!
This reads like the worst ever after-school special. The PM sounds so fucking desperate here, and again for NO REASON. While Theresa seems like she honestly has zero ambition, plus she's clearly too stupid to be a math teacher.
I know I'm still harping on this, but where is any of this sudden belief that she can do anything coming from? This is why good exposition while establishing motive and character traits is FUCKING CRUCIAL.
Plus, Blair is so fatalistic about everything here that he comes off as a really shitty leader. He has no other plan than to hope a teenager can fix it. Way to go fella... Imagine if Churchill had accepted that Germany was going to win the war, unless Betty Cunningham rose to the occasion and filled France full of uppercuts. Yes, it's that stupid of a plot point.
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This is a fair point and a realistic response, it's also a great opportunity for character building. Which Norman fucks up with his usual lack of literary skill. I'm also confused as to why he needed to put an exclamation point there. This should be a somber moment of self-reflection and it seems as though she's excited about it.
I'm sure it was meant to be seen as her being alarmed, but it's the wrong tone for this moment. Yet another thing the author knows little about. Well, to be honest neither do I... but I'm trying dammit!
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Holy dogshit, let's start off with the five formatting errors, that's only one shot though!
As well as another wall of dialog with no tags, so you get lost as to whom is speaking. It wouldn't bother me so much is Blair and Theresa spoke differently, like people from two different countries should. I wonder how many people the author interacts with on a daily basis, because nobody in this books speaks like a normal person. If I'm not careful, I may start speaking this way due to some kind of contamination.
She states that HAL still isn't understood after eight years, which again begs the question as to WHY Blair gives a shit about her. Of course, it's not as though the government was actually doing anything to learn about HAL. Following a child around is not research, I again ask why she wasn't taken to a research facility.
Great, now I have the 80's montage song in my head, where it will linger for hours to come...
Her constant whining about wanting a private life is beyond annoying, we get it bitch and nobody cares. Shut the fuck up and rise to the occasion, you did just rant about that at length in the previous chapter.
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They leave the hospital and head for the fanciest hotel in town, because why not. She is given a "diplomatic room on the government floor," which is a thing I guess but not really. Where she is whisked up to the 58th floor, to be waited on hand and foot.
This odd exchange then happens, Nancy sounds like a lot of fun, wonder how she's going to attend to her. I'm also no so sure if "mum" is the right word here, props for the effort at accurate dialog though.
She is left alone with the weirdly excited girl. And rather than doing the natural thing and get cleaned up, Theresa sits down to watch some TV. I should count my blessings here, I really couldn't handle another creepy bathroom scene right now.
She finds a channel that's playing the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Wherein she says this...
This event happened in 2011, her stating that it was "a long time ago" dates this book at around 2013-15 at the very least. Which further highlights the technical issues brought up in earlier chapters.
Norman Boutin has truly created a world filled with interesting and incredibly stupid people. Just like him.
Nancy explains that it's being played to cheer people up. Not sure why Royal opulence would make people feel better with the end of the world looming. But I suppose in the authors vary simple and limited mind it makes sense.
Theresa, of course, has to be a stuck-up cunt-waffle and drone on about how there's no royal weddings in America. Only "trash" weddings of tabloid celebrities and that few people even cared about them. Good to see more of Norman's world view shining through.
I could understand this viewpoint is it had been established at a trait of hers organically. However, as we have only ever been TOLD how pure and awesome she is, there is no established reason for her to be this way. Especially when she espouses shit like this, which only shows the writers viewpoint.
She then FINALLY changes her fucking clothing. Something that should have not been needed as few people keep their clothing on in the hospital. Or the morgue...
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Yes, while the world burns she goes shopping, if they are starving, then let them eat cake!
Honestly, she could have gotten all of that online and had it delivered that same day. If she wants privacy SO BADLY, then clothing could have been brought to her to select from. You know, what actual celebrities and people laying low do.
Norman sure does love describing her clothing, I really hope he takes my advice and writes a romance novel. Let's also count our blessings here and be glad he didn't go on at length about her underwear.
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Another formatting error, hope you still have some left, take a shot!
The author so wants to fuck this woman. From her flattering Irish dress to her hair that had startled many, Norman is clearly a thirsty mother-fucker.
Saying that her dress is flattering sends an odd message and paints a conflicting picture of Theresa. The author, and even God-Queen Mary Sue herself, keeps saying how much of a "good Catholic girl" she is. So having her describe her outfits as flattering and her mane of hair as having startled many makes her look like a bit of a slut.
OK, perhaps slut is a bit harsh but she is far from a good Catholic girl when she acts like that. Just imagine Joan d'Arc, Normans favorite person, acting like this. Showing her figure and teasing all the boys to get her way, it's weird and destroys her character. Which is why the English spread very similar rumors about her both before and after her capture.
Norman should know this...
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I haven't said anything about this yet, I don't think anyway, but why doesn't he place punctuation after dialog. You can get away with not doing it, the standard has shifted from one to the other over the years. But it just looks odd for some reason, as though the end of the sentence is hanging and uncompleted. Not to mention theirs no pause between "Very lovely" and "the PM said."
This is a nit pick I know, but I can't help but be drawn to it anyway.
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After a short line or two of forgetful conversation...
Why wasn't Steve there already? I know he serves NO purpose in this story, but it would make sense that he was there. Shouldn't the British Government have brought him there after they recovered her body? And HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HER NUMBER?
Him not being there, at her side, makes zero sense. Remember, this is the guy who wuvs her so much that they got married after only a fucking month. If they love each other so much, the Mongol hoards couldn't keep him away from her.
I suppose it could be assumed that he is under observation or not being allowed to travel. Or even whatever has stopped the wind is disrupting air-travel completely.
Lets see if ANY OF THIS is explained...
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Of course not... That would be hard work and Mr. Boutin doesn't like to push his thinky-box too much.
It then plays out a long expositional block of text as an info-dump.
Two more formatting errors, chug-a-lug!
Goodness gracious, at least we now have a little more information to work with. And boy howdy is there a lot to work with here!
It isn't clear whether this is a single person talking or an interview of some kind. As a documentary it must be a voice-over, but it's written so poorly that it's hard to follow.
We start off with a clear violation of not just her constitutional rights, but LOAC as well by having the president issue an unlawful order. Way to go. It should be noted that if the threat was so great and his plan was that insane, the Joint Chiefs of Staff (JCoS) would have been involved. Not to mention any casual movement of our nuclear arsenal, let alone setting one off, would require authorization from the Department of Energy (DOE). Which meant that it would not have been the President briefing a simple Admiral about this.
Again, an action such as loading a remote controlled plane with a nuclear bomb requires more than just the Presidents authority. Especially since it's not a wartime act and he would therefore lack the power to use a warhead in such an aggressive act.
Why does he call it an "Atom Bomb?" Fuck, it sounds as though this was written in the 50's...
"Asking" the admiral if he would cooperate should have raised a number of red flags. The President does not ask if those under his command will comply with an order. If a mere Admiral is politely asked to carry something out, then he should wonder why as something shady is going on. That or Norman is a dumb fuck who has no idea how the command structure of the military works.
Ruck asking why the fuck this needed to happen is literally the only plausible thing here. However, him accepting Martin's non-answer makes him look fucking stupid and destroys what suspended belief there is. Especially when ASKED a second time and agrees with clear reservations, if it's voluntary then DON'T FUCKING DO IT.
Admiral Ruck is a fucking moron on plot guide-rails.
I have actually sat in the cockpit of an F-22, there is no room for a trash bag filled with 11 plastic, 20oz soda bottles. Further more, the Navy does not own any F-22's, the FUCKING AIR FORCE DOES. Nor is it even capable of being launched from an aircraft carrier, this would require a MAJOR overhaul of its nose gear.
This would, again, require coordination of several major agencies such as the USAF, USN, DOE, and the JSoC. It would also take months to YEARS to set this up, engineers have to INVENT some of the things required. Just shoot her in the fucking head!!
Norman is a fucking idiot.
Neither would they need an "opportunity" to abduct Theresa. You go to her house, black bag her, and be FUCKING DONE WITH IT. President Martin here comes off as the worst C list Bond villain ever conceived. A ten-year-old with down syndrome could think of a better way to get rid of her than this.
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I find myself asking, yet again, why is everything the Government does a complete and utter fuck-up? I think the author has some kind of vendetta against the US Government. Why else is it full of complete fucking morons who can't even follow a child without being spotted.
A simple
Bag-and-Tag couldn't possibly have been botched this badly. No wonder Ruck is an
incompetent boob. He just managed to show up to the right building every
day so they promoted him.
Why does it have
to be explained that kidnapping is a federal offense in America? Is it
just fine on Britain, or perhaps only just a misdemeanor that warrants
community service? Way to talk down to your readers Norman, I know you
think you're smarter than everyone but come on fella.
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Dear god,
we're barely half way done with this chapter... Just kill me now.
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What does it matter how many showed up, or how many assistants were there, this is information the reader doesn't need to know and cares little about.
If it isn't the act of criminals, then it isn't a crime... by fucking definition. Why is that line in here, it's counteractive and just sounds fucking stupid. And if it sounds like it was done by "Federal Agents" then why is the FBI, a federal agency, so concerned about it. I know that in an authors world anything can happen, but you have to try and make it believable. Such as explaining things in a more "showing" way.
This sounds like a 3rd grader wrote it. This happened, then this happened, then guess what? This happened after that, are you not astounded at what is happening? Fuck this shit...
Why is Theresa so important? Yes, please show is that at some point as it has yet to be established.
How on earth would this make Watergate look like a tea party? I know that's probably the only scandal Norman can think of, but all this would still be pushed under the rug. This entire stilted block of nothing only further highlights the automatic over-importance that gets placed onto Mary Sue from the beginning. And for NO FUCKING REASON!
Hack writing at it's worst.
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The FBI men... what the fuck? Was this written in 1956 by a twelve-year-old? How is this in anyway believable dialog, nobody says this outside of shitty B-movies from the 50's and 60's.
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The droning continues, unfortunately. Where it's revealed that Steve has no idea why anyone would want to harm poor, little Mary Sue. The FBI men ask if she had disk space on the colleges computer system, because having a private computer is for suckas.
They go to the college and a computer tech just gives them her password. Which he happened to have for some reason, and they were able to get without a search warrant. Why am I even questioning any of the stupid shit that happens at this point...
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The groan is strong here...
Why name it Mission Impossible? That's a bit cliche and very unimaginative. Plus, having it on a drive that any tech could access IS NOT HIDING IT. Remember, this takes place POST 2011, does this dumb cunt really not have a personal computer?
Add another ticker to the Mary Sue tracker as she is now SO SMART that it takes FOUR math professors to figure out her deluded bullshit. And if they couldn't understand what it was for, then it is deemed NOT IMPORTANT and ignored.
It's clear the the author, hence forth to be refereed as "The Hack," knows nothing about how an investigation works. Nor does he posses the will or ability to do ANY research on the matter. His stilted, checklist writing style only makes it so much worse.
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That's right, the FBI gets their advice from some random IT tech and they release what they think is a crucial piece of evidence to the public. A piece of evidence that they have NO REASON to believe has anything to do with her disappearance. But only do because the plot says should, way to go Mr. Hack.
Nor would the lack of a response mean she was working alone. Another dumb ass assumption from our intrepid, and retarded, federal agents. Couldn't she have been working with someone but they don't want to come forward for fear of disappearing themselves? Oh wait, that would mean that God Queen Mary Sue needs the help of others and we CAN'T have that! Oh fuck no!
More evidence against The Hack's claim that she isn't a Mary Sue...
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The "montage" then shifts to when President Martin gave a public address about the nuclear bomb going off in the last chapter. What he says is so implausible and downright politically suicidal that there is now no doubt who the bad guy is.
It also starts with a formatting error, you all know what that means!
He basically admits to the government having evidence of alien life. That he has unilaterally decided to kill it, rather than try to study and understand it. Because it "influenced her physical activity," whatever that implies...
That she couldn't or wouldn't explain how and due to it having not communicated with them in fifteen years. Which they considered an unfriendly relationship.
I too have considered murdering my neighbor after he neglected to say hello for over two years. Therefore, this is an acceptable reaction for a world leader to have. No wonder his adviser's went along with it.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Hack. This boob is so important that the President has to go on live television to explain why they had to killer in the most overly complicated way possible. Why not just say it was as an accident, or a test of some kind. No, the leader of the free world HIMSELF has to some on and drone on about it. This may be the dumbest part of this whole dumb-fuck retarded chapter.
He says "My fellow Americans" twice during his address. Not sure if this is a typo or Hack's poor attempt to make it more somber. Either way, it doesn't look right.
Send thousands of soldiers to their death? I know that technically right, but it comes off as rather fatalistic. Is Hack suicidal or something or working through a horrific past trauma? A lot of this book gives me that kind of vibe, is there something you want to tell us there, Hack?
I would like to know HOW they knew it was a greater threat than war. I know he's just saying this to justify his actions. But as this chapter is meant to fill the reader in on various justifications of the other actors, it sounds silly and over the top. There are MUCH better ways to deliver this kind of exposition, and even when using this method it could have been done better.
His speech ends with him sucking her dick, or clit perhaps? Because even the villains have to praise her. Saying that there are no medals great enough to honor her sacrifice and bla, bla, bla.
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I thought as a Christian, death was only the beginning. So, then does it matter whether they have a body to bury or a place to lay a wreath? Why mourn a dead family member, their at the bosom of Christ, or whatever. Ever as a Christian myself, I never understood why people were sad when someone died. Anyway...
I do agree with Theresa, however, this chapter is "Terrible!"
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One more formatting error, Drink up! I'm sure that most of you may be dead by now, but that's no reason to stop now.
Another shock for the world? I don't know how much more of this gripping narrative we can take!
Six-thousand highly trained and disciplined military personnel on the ship. And, of course, OPSEC goes right the fuck out the window when fucking Mary Sue steps on board! You see how thick her plot armor is? The second something happens to her it's a world wide disaster that merits immediate dismissal of both sworn duties and core values. Way to go, Hack, you've really created a wonderful and realistic world here.
Does he know how cell phones work? Unless its a special type or the ship itself has a relay, they don't connect to a satellite. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I think Hack is an idiot. Everyone on that ship would be under an SF-312, Classified Information Nondisclosure Agreement. As this would have been a classified operation at the time. I guess the military, and people in general, are morons and don't work that way in Hacks world.
A nice try there at the end to close up a plot hole that I brought up last chapter. I wonder if he noticed it and added this instead of just revising the last chapter? Either way, the reasoning for it silly and unnecessary as they could have simply used the jet's radio on a hot-mic setting.
I'm still amazed that Hack doesn't understand that Theresa is a Mary Sue. This ENTIRE paragraph is all the evidence you would need to figure that out. She escaped an impossible situation with little effort. She fell for over three minutes and survived the landing. She was tough about it. Everyone cried at her fate, for no reason.
MARY SUE CONFIRMED!
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And another formatting error... if you still have any left, drink up!
WOW, the SASC got together really quickly for this. Was it because they were all concerned for the plucky young heroine or because government actually moves this fast in Hacks fucked up fantasy land? They can't do anything right, but they sure can move fast when having a meeting about it afterward.
I'm not sure if it's worth actually going over the SASC hearing. All it does is rehash A LOT of information that we ALREADY know. And all in a way that's so fucking boring I actually watched a real SASC hearing for a bit of excitement as a pallet cleanser.
OK so, lets try and sum it up as quickly as I can. I want to finish this chapter so that I can stop wanting to murder puppies out of literary rage.
(Starts Cowboy Bebop theme in the background)
Alright, 3, 2, 1, let's go...
The Director of the DIA (Defense Intelligence Agency) testifies about her watchers. He rehashes ALL of the information from the first chapter, because Hack likes to talk down to his readers. The director states, however, that "We still don't know if this was true or not." Which alludes to them not even knowing if HAL was even real or the delusions of a young girl. Who has a family history of schizophrenia by the way.
He does add that "We do know something remarkable happened to her." Which only serves to show that OOPS is a bunch of morons who should have taken the time to actually the time to run a test or two on the girl. Which would have been easy to do by gaining access to her doctor and nicking a blood sample or two. Or better yet, bringing her in for testing, fuck her rights at that point. Seeing as I have already pointed this out, in great detail, I shall simply move on.
The nameless DIA director explains how they had the most difficulty following her around on the college campus. Which is very close to the stupidest thing I have ever read a character say. Remember, this all takes place AFTER 2005 at the earliest, GPS IS A FUCKING THING. They have her schedule, so tracking her is a VERY EASY THING TO DO! Hack makes it seem as though watching someone without detection takes a PHD in tactical theory. It's really not that hard.
He does say that they knew her schedule, good start, but that they had someone walking behind her at a hundred feet. Not sure why it needed to be so precise, but whatever. Nor is this necessary to track someone, try putting up a camera or two and bam, there she is. I guess the DIA is just as stupid as Hack.
The faceless man says that the campus security were the only ones to ever notice the watchers. Which I have also explained the reasons for being wrong in the associated chapter, so there's no need to go into at length here again.
The "facts of life" call is somewhat explained here, however, it's just said that the President told them to keep it quiet. So just as shitty and boring as I expected to be. It is also NEVER explained WHY any of this needed to be kept quiet. Other than her being actual proof that alien life exists, I still don't know the reason for all this secrecy and concern. I suppose Mary Sue just needs to be kept safe is all...
He explains that they got the local police to cooperate by saying that the DIA would be assisting the campus police security in spotting "suspicious characters." What the fuck? That's right, the fucking DIA, a major federal agency is helping the campus rent-a-cops spot dubious persons. If this book hadn't already gone of the rails, I would say this was the worst fucking plot point so far. But it's actually mild compared to some of the crazy shit we've seen so far.
It's so silly and just plain dumb that I really don't know what to make of it. Whatever, let's move on...
The exposition stand-in is asked why non of her watchers told the police why they were watching Mary Sue. Which is explained so, so poorly...
Which contains another formatting error! Cheers!
As you can see yourself, is convoluted and does nothing to answer the question. It only brings up more issues as to what the fucking fuck was going on and why was it done so badly. In fact, it even contradicts the information given in chapter one...
The DIA director completes his testimony by saying that he was unaware of the Presidents moronic scheme to try and kill Theresa. Which, of course, leads Mary Sue to conclude that Jan Struthers was not part of it. Because she is the worlds greatest detective!
We then get the equally long and uninteresting testimony of the CIA director. Who is also played by a faceless, nameless mannequin due to Hack being a lazy schmuck. We find out that the CIA found out from the DIA about Theresa's "little problem" four months ago. And that they were told to organize a team to abduct her.
Two problems here: 1. They had four months to plan for it and still managed to fuck it up so badly as to leave witnesses. 2. It never occurred to ANYONE that perhaps they should question as to WHY they were doing it? Perhaps find out whether there was a better idea.
It is stated that "most men refused to participate." However, I doubt this is due to them having any actual issues with the plan. But rather because Mary Sue is a perfect and good catholic girl.
*Cringe*
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OK, let's take a breather for a bit. There's still about nine pages of this disaster left and I have to stop summarizing as it becomes a delightful jumble of horseshit.
*Lays down for a quick nap*
Alright then... let's get to the breakdown.
This is still the nameless CIA director being questioned...
Formatting error! Shots all around!
So, he had issues about it, just like Ruck did, but still went along with it? It seems that everyone with any authority in Hacks magical imagination land is as stupid as he is.
Who can know? THAT'S LITERALLY YOUR FUCKING JOB YOU WORTHLESS FUCK-STICK. And whats with the stupid "back at ya" question as a response? This man, I assume as there is NO description of the person, is just a prop to deliver exposition in the most ham-handed way possible.
Why nobody took the time to do one tiny-bit of actual research into the magical Space Ghost...
...is the biggest fucking plot-hole in this dumpster fire. One that is never, not even fucking once, attempted to be explained.
The villains are bad and try to kill Mary Sue simply because Hack needs the plot to do it. They never do the reasonable thing and actually try to learn something because then God Queen Perfect Cunt can't be a hero. And Hack really NEEDS her to be the hero, it's part of his fetish fantasy after all.
*Screams with righteous fury*
Two Formatting errors, may the goblet of Rog`thor serve you well, drink up!
Oh My God... So much worthless information that a. we don't need to know or care about, and b. we fucking ALREADY KNOW!
The canopy of an F-22 is not bulletproof, that isn't why it's so thick. Nor is that measurement accurate, close, but not correct. Don't they already know that HAL gave her the strong arms?
So, why then is it such a mystery as to how she escaped? Is this just an oversight on the author as he attempts to wow us with his boring writing? I'm honestly not sure, it may be a both him being stupid and showing how smart he thinks he is, AND being a forgetful boob.
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This bit is simply just, *muah* magnifique.
It highlights Hack's ignorance and sheer desperation to justify what was shat into the previous chapter. You can almost feel the agony as your eyes skim across the words.
First, we get a bit of information that is inconsequential to the question asked. Which is, no doubt, meant to bolster the idea that she could have survived such a fall in the first place.
No she couldn't have.
Second, Hack makes the laughable claim that belly-flopping into water is the safest way to land. I really hope no-one ever reads this and takes it to heart. Should that happen, and Hack is still alive, I hope he is charged with negligent homicide.
A fall from a height greater than 250ft is 95-98% fatal, statistically speaking. The record High Dive is 191ft, during which the diver fractured his thoracic vertebrae. Had he "belly-flopped" into the water, he would most likely be dead. There are so... many... reasons... not... to do that.
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What's that, a formatting error? Well then, drink up my now thoroughly intoxicated readers.
If she left the plane at almost 58Kft, then the warhead's detonation alone should have killed her. Never mind the lack of oxygen or hitting the water with enough force to break every bone in her body.
Yet another formatting error, Hack really needs to use a justify and not just hit the space bar every new paragraph. Imbibe your drink of choice!
This sad, little word-turd is only here as a further attempt to tell, and not show, us how awesome Mary Sue is. Look at her, she fell to earth like a bad ass.
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Considering that the author gets most of his source material from the movies... But what is that part about "the bones of the extremities?" Is it being said that the actual bones are in pain from the cold? What is being told to us here, that it was so cold her bones hurt, golly lets all be even more sad for her?
I know that Mr. Hack knows little about... well... anything. So, I'm pretty sure that he honestly think that bones can feel pain. what the fuck?
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Yes, the sounds of Mary Sue's suffering was just too much for even the mighty Admiral Ruck. What did he throw in the ocean? I have the image of him ripping out a large reel-to-reel tape and dramatically heaving it over the side. This is set in the modern day, as late as 2017 or 18 per my calculations. So, unless he tossed a USB drive over the side, which is far less impressive, it's just hitting a button to delete it.
Is Hack really that ignorant of the world?
Plus, wouldn't tossing it over the side be a violation of some kind? That was an official record and DOD property, I'm not sure if he would have the authority to dispose of it like that. Whatever, add a tick-mark to the Mary Sue tracker and lets move on.
I do agree with the BBC at the end, however, this is all of no interest and can all be skipped.
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Uno Mas formatting error, you all know what that means!
This starts off with information we don't need to know or that anyone would care about. Unless their a real stickler for when Congress breaks for lunch and when to expect the next hearing. Seriously, I have made this mistake myself, there are times when you can give too much information.
This would be fine if it were setting up something, or showing us the passage of time. However, it's a recording and will skip strait to when they get back, so this is just useless padding. It only slows the pace.
Shouldn't they already have gotten a briefing about what Steve knows? That would have been part of an initial investigation, which would have been closed door in case it contained sensitive information. Plus, Steve could have simply sent in a written statement as he literally knows nothing about HAL and that he's "going through a difficult time."
What follows is not just a waste of time and paper, it's an insult to the literary world that this man thinks himself a great writer.
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Hoo-boy, can Hack set up tension or what. I was on the edge of my seat to see how this part went.
I don't think "groan" was the right word to use here. What does a groan of surprise sound like? Is it the sound someone makes when you sneak up behind them an punch them in the gut? Sort of a sad up-tic in pitch perhaps? Hmm, now I actually do want to hear that sound uttered in the chamber. Maybe he's on to something.
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I think Hack is trying to demonstrate political Lawyer-speak here. However, it just drags out and ruins the pace. A simple "Did she do Alien stuff?" "No." "Alright then." would have been fine. He may be trying to set up how leaders are so that Theresa setting things right looks better. But I honestly don't think he's that clever.
None would touch this one? What does that mean, is Hack saying that this is some kind messy issue? Just have them all shake there heads a go "thank you for coming, no further questions." Hack is really trying to make this seem more important than it really is. And failing hard at it.
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Jesus Christ... OK, several things about this.
First off, add another tic to the Mary Sue counter. Hmm, not a bad idea actually, note to self: make a Mary Sue counter.
Second, WHAT THE FUCK? Why would the Senate Armed Services Committee care about any of that? And why would Steve be so stupid as to even say it? That's the kind of shit he would say as a public statement or during a press conference. Having him say it here saves time for that set-up, but it's so out of place.
Third, this is another fine example of Hack's strange view of the world. Particularly when it comes to Hollywood. Good to know, Hack, good to know...
Finally, This a do nothing and meaningless bit of dialog. Nothing is added, nothing is expressed that hasn't already been said many times, and it doesn't do anything for her character. Hack really thinks this is how you do character building. Just have everyone else yell and scream about how the MC is and that is now established fact. No need to show the reader this in any meaningful way.
Armature narrative at its very worst ladies and gentlemen.
Please take the time to make this a learning experience.
#dontbenorman
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And another formatting error, empty thy cup!
She became an adult before she became a woman? Careful with your wording there, Hack, I know you have a problem with that.
Hold on, um... Steve... You're just now finding out about this, remember? You might want to be careful what you say before you commit perjury. It seems that Hack forgot that as well. My guess is that he needed a way to lay more telling style character building on us and this seemed like the logical place to put it. Too bad he's an idiot or this might have worked out if time had been put into it. But no, we get more drivel about her being a good girl and not caring about normal people things.
What was that part about her major in college, that it was to be a mediator between her and the alien world? WHAT? I thought she wanted to be a math teacher, not many of those at the U.N. I'll admit. Again, HOW THE FUCK DOES STEVE KNOW THIS? He literally just found out about it YESTERDAY, fuck me Hack, at least try to make this plausible. I can only suspend my belief so far, but right now it has to be in orbit around Neptune for ANY OF THIS to make sense.
Oh, she's different alright...
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Can't tell if that's a formatting error or not. I'm going to take a shot anyway as I need to dull the pain. Prost!
Of course, the evil and incompetent government types don't want to hear about their soon-to-be savior. Oh no, they just wave away the perfect woman's loyal and loving man. They shall soon see the error of their ways...
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I hope your still alive, because there's another formatting error, drinky drinky!
The thing that really stands out the most in this chapter is Hack's slide show transitions. This happens, click, then this happened, click, then something else happened. Ugh, it's as though I'm reading my own work from the 5th and 6th grade, I don't need to be reminded how bad I was then.
Look at that, he FINALLY named someone in this fucking diaper load of literary shit. I wonder if it means that "Connor" will play a part in the later Narrative? Time will tell.
Knowing Hacky McHack-Hack her fate is already laid out before our eyes with obvious forbearance. Her name, age, and rank all right there for us, interesting, now if only I cared about her at all.
Fuck me, this chapter would be half the length if it didn't CONSTANTLY repeat shit we already know. I swear this entire chapter is just a way to bad the books length. Or at least I would believe that if Dr. Hackenstien wasn't already known for this kind of stupid repetition. Even within the same sentence.
What I am sure of, is that he wanted people to see that quote he did to show of his self assumed smartness. Sad. Low energy.
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Two Formatting Errors! I'm running out of creative ways to tell you all to drink, that's how bad this is... Drink up!
We, click, into another scene and of course it's just there to puff up Mary Sue for no reason. Not to mention it serves as another good example of Hack's strange and ultra conservative worldview.
Wait, I thought the world was ending, who would be talking about making a movie about her? And who the fuck has ever even said that about some unknown girl after they died? More demonstrations of Mary Sue's immediate and unwarranted importance. Why aren't they talking about the now REAL existence of alien life and what that means for humanity. That's the real talking point.
Nobody would give too many fucks over Theresa, sure there would be some outrage that she was murdered ala Bond villain. But the real anger would be over having tried to kill the alien without learning anything from it. That the only evidence for extra terrestrial life is now possibly gone.
I can almost hear Hack masturbating over Mary Sue from up here... sickening.
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Creative writing 101, LEARN TRANSITIONS! He did this, he did that; these are the reasons your an armature, and your inability to learn is why your a HACK.
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Then why have him testify in a PUBLIC HEARING? Have him submit a classified affidavit as to her character, which he can still talk about anyway. It's not some great secret that a priest can't disclose. FUCK ME, Catholic-author-man, even YOU should know this. Why are you so ignorant about how the world in general works.
Of course, the reason for him being there is to just further stroke Mary Sue's, and by proxy Hack's, ego...
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Several things of not in this gag-reflex inducing text here...
First off, formatting error so please drink up.
Next is ANOTHER person saying how she was a "good and brilliant girl" for no reason. I bet hack was rock hard when he wrote this.
It's the last thing I noticed about this that peeked my interest. It was something I saw when rereading chapter one, because I love to punish myself. Father Do-nothing mentions that this is the work of God, that she was predestined to have the Space Ghost inside her.
Which brought to mind a small line of text from the first chapter that whizzes by so fast you don't have time to notice it. I sure didn't until now.
Lets take a quick look...
You catch that? She was actually predestined for all of this to happen. This isn't a story about some random girl who got magical space powers. Oh no. This is a story about a perfect girl who was destined for greatness.
This does explain why HAL didn't find a new host after she died, why would he, she was it's predestined vessel.
I will give Hack some props on trying to lay out some foreshadowing, but he loses 100 points for the ham-fisted way it was done. I really think that was inserted into the first chapter later on. Either way, it only makes Mary Sue that much less relatable in many ways.
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What follows is a dull and exceedingly pointless conversation about the priest and why he stayed at that Church. Nobody cares and the reasons don't matter at this point.
Father Donoughty explains how the Pope found out about Theresa, he and a cardinal told him. Apparently he decided to ignore the warnings about telling people, pretty sure he agreed not to but whatever. The Pope needs to know because a "good Catholic girl" is at stake here!
As the conversation progresses, the priest mentions the name HAL. At which point, the chairman of the SASC seems confused about the name. We then get the explanation on why it's named that... AGAIN! Hack is more repetitive than a fucking copy machine.
It should be remembered the the government should have already knew ALL of this.
It should be remembered the the government should have already knew ALL of this.
After another bout of forgetful and extremely useless exposition, the priest brings out the horseshoes to show the class. The sight of them greatly impresses those present. While father boring drones on about how super-duper strong and brilliant Theresa the totally-not-a Mary Sue was.
Here have a read yourselves...
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Which, of course, leads to yet another bout of Mary Sue worship...
Let's start off with another formatting error!
I'm honestly running out of pithy things to say at this point. What can be said about this contrived, Mary Sue worshiping, pile of shit? None of this, NOT ONE BIT OF THIS, is in anyway helpful to the plot or moves the narrative. Hack mentions on his 1990's looking website that the story isn't about action, it's about character. Well, I'm still waiting for that part to fucking show up.
This entire chapter is nothing but one long wank about how super duper his made up girlfriend is. I seriously bored of making fun of this, it's too fucking easy.
Thankfully there is only a page or two left...
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I'm honestly amazed that there is only ONE formatting error in that mess. But drink up just the same!
So, Hack is setting her up as a martyr, stupid and contrived considering this is literally THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK. At which point nobody even knows who the fuck she is, which means nobody would give a fuck about her. Hack seems to think that just telling a sad story about someone is enough to make the world worship you. Hack writing at its worst right there.
More predestination bullshit, which again, has yet to be backed up in any meaningful way. So, it just further confuses the already concussed plot.
"A mystery to her as us" is poor wording, I know Hack thinks it makes him look all smart and stuff. However, it doesn't and we all see through it right away. If he had better writing throughout, then it would be fine, but oh well...
The rest is stupid, so lets juts move on.
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The horrible narrative then hard shifts to another talking point about how the wind stops. You would think that this extremely important plot point would be well laid out and thought through.
Guess again motherfuckers!
*shrugs*
I'm really running out of steam here, but I'll try to get through this.
Why is there "no way" to prevent a world wide famine? I touched on this earlier, and hack just HAD to repeat himself here again. There is plenty that could be done to prevent it, were such a thing as this actually possible. This can just serve as further example of Hacks ignorance about the laws of Thermodynamics.
He certainly loves to put in specific details where they aren't needed. We don't care about the speed at which it's spreading here, that's a worthless detail you can add in later. Or not at all...
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Besides being out of place here, it's just slipped in between two unrelated paragraphs. There STILL has yet to be established WHY Blair would do this. How does he, or fucking ANYONE, know she is alive or could do anything to help. I'm wracking my brain to try and find a reason for him to do this demonstrated anywhere.
What more needs to be said, this is just another piece of Mary Sue spank material. Pathetic...
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Yet another hard shift into the next scene by the next Earnest Hemingway here. Which leads us to a formatting error!
And we end the chapter with the villain resigning. I'm surprised he didn't kill himself publicly while singing her praises and confessing his secret, undying love.
More ignorance on how our political system works by Dr. Hackenstien. The VP would be IMMEDIATELY awakened, sworn in and extensively briefed on everything. The comment about the foot-ball is strait out of the movies. I rolled my eyes so fucking hard just now that I may have damaged something.
Why does Hacky do this, extensive information about shit that's inconsequential to the plot or doesn't world-build. I wonder if it's some kind of mental illness?
Yes, you decide whether she's a fucking moron. I already have...
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HOLY SHIT, WE MADE IT!
That is the end of chapter Five, and fuck me is it a long, boring puddle of Elephant fecal-juice. Thanks for joining on this suicidal adventure and swing by again next week for another Adventure in Illiteracy!
Fuck me... I looked ahead, and chapter six is more of this same shit.
